“You don’t win anything with kids” was Alan Hansen’s infamous assertion about Man United’s class of ’95. He was talking about the likes of David Beckham, Gary Neville, Ryan Giggs and Paul Scholes. Winning the FA Youth Cup in 1992, they came of age in the 1995/1996 season to overhaul a 10-point deficit at Christmas and steal the League title from the clutches of Newcastle. I think Ferguson was thinking something like, “Hansen, put that in your pipe and smoke it!”

You all know the rest of the story. United with their young, talented and home-grown stars dominated the League for the rest of the 90s and have been one of the dominant forces ever since. Of course, it hasn’t always been plain sailing. There have been glitches and challengers along the way. Arsene Wenger’s Arsenal, during the latter part of the ’90s and early 2000s, and the Roman Abramovich (Chelsea’s Russian oligarch owner) era of Chelsea have since been Man United’s greatest rivals. Until now, that is.

Like a snarling, lager-drinking, cigarette-smoking rock star, Manchester City has announced themselves to the world. Full of swagger and verve, defying anyone to go toe-to-toe with them and stare them in the eye while then nonchalantly flicking their two-fingers up as they bedazzle and kill off all before them.

It’s strange to imagine that as United were winning the League in 95/96, City was being relegated from it; never to return to the ‘Promised Land’ properly until 2001/2002. Forever in their neighbours’ shadow, the laughing stock, they were the perennial underachievers of football. August 2008 changed that, however, when the Abu Dhabi United Group, led by Sheikh Mansour bin Zayed Al Nahyan, purchased the club bringing with him extreme wealth, dreams and promises. He was the genie to Manchester City’s aladdin and would grant them any wish they so desired. They had one: World domination — to collect a team full of superstars and to dominate Europe and the World for the foreseeable future. Oh, of course, the fans wouldn’t mind seeing Man United relegated but that’s a different story.

This season has been one like no other. Both teams have led, both teams have conceded points; both teams have had controversial moments, both teams have had controversial players; both teams have excited, both teams have flattered to deceive; both teams have lost important matches, both teams have won them; but, only one team have won the two games which really matter: Manchester City came out top in both Manchester derbies.

The 6-1 win earlier in the season was emphatic. It proved to the world that Man City was a force to be reckoned with; not just a team of hastely assembled mercenaries. Their 1-0 victory at the Etihad was no less impressive. They nullified United. Smothered them, and reduced them to a Sunday League team playing on the Hackney Marshes.

Man United’s no-shots on goal during the match tells the story. The ageing Ryan Giggs and Paul Scholes were ineffectual against the younger, fitter and more powerful City midfield. Wayne Rooney was left isolated upfront on his own, and just when they needed it most, their nerve was lost on them. They had lost the biggest game of the season.

As this Premier League season comes to it’s pinnacle and looks in all certainty to be settled on goal difference in City’s favour, does it represent a seismic power shift in Manchester, or is this just a blip? Is Manchester turning from red to blue? Is this Ferguson’s biggest test yet?

City is sure to strengthen during the Summer, adding to their already bulging squad of star names and United have to helplessly keep up. In the likes of David De Gea, Phil Jones and Chris Smalling they have the nucleus of the team for years to come. Add Wayne Rooney, Antonio Valencia and Michael Carrick to the equation then a very good team starts to emerge.

Next season is a bigger test for Manchester United, but with the youngsters another year older and wiser, a few key signings may just earn them the Manchester bragging rights once again.

Can this class do what the class of ’95 did? Possibly. So cheer up United fans, it ‘ain’t that bad.

As the footballing world gears up for the first north London derby of the season, the gap between Arsenal and Tottenham seems to be in-between ‘getting shorter’ to ‘non-existent’. Indeed, some fans would argue that Tottenham are now Arsenal’s equal but every football fan knows, write off Monsieur Wenger’s Arsenal at your own peril.

Arsenal, having lost two of their most influential players in the summer window, have regrouped with Wenger breaking his most revered footballing philosophy: buying young players with potential with the view of unleashing their star quality.

In the shape of Mikel Arteta and Per Mertesacker, Arsenal have procured two experienced and decent players, one proven in the Premiership and the other, in the Champions League and internationally. Arteta has consistently been the main creative fulcrum for Everton and is a typical Arsenal player. He can operate anywhere across midfield and is blessed with the technical skills most Spanish players have. His ability with the ball, both in passing and keeping hold of possession make him a direct replacement for Cesc Fabregas, albeit on a level below. Mertesacker, signed from Werder Bremen, is a proven German international. His 6’6″ tall frame makes him perfect in helping out Arsenal’s defensive set-piece frailties.

Arsenal also acquired the Ivory Coast wide man, Gervinho. Blessed with pace and an unpredictability which makes him tricky for opposing defenders, he won the French League with Lille before moving to North London. As well as Gervinho, they clinched the signings of South Korean Park Chu-Young and the precocious young talent Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain.

Arsenal’s North London counterparts Tottenham have spent shrewdly. Their only signings of the window were that of Football Writers Player of the Year Scott Parker and Manchester City forward Emmanuel Adebayor.

The main priority for Tottenham was to keep stars Luka Modric and Gareth Bale. This was done despite regular big money offers from Chelsea for Modric. The player himself wanted to leave but the club dug their heels in and rejected any big money advances.

After a slow start to the season where they had to play and lost against both Manchester clubs, Tottenham have won three consecutive games. Scott Parker is looking every bit the England international player as he breaks up play and generally harasses opposition players and protects the backline. Emmanuel Adebayor has given Tottenham an added dimension upfront. His ability to not only score goals – three in four appearances – but to also hold the ball up and bring others into the game is an integral way to how Tottenham play. It remains to be seen how well he will link up with Rafael van der Vaart but early signs are promising.

Sunday will be a good indicator to both teams in terms of how good they are at the moment and where their season ambition actually lies. Arsenal will welcome back Robin van Persie and Aaron Ramsey who were both rested for their Champions League game against Olympiakos while Tottenham will welcome back their whole first team who got the Europa League games off. With both teams in direct competition with each other for that fourth Champions League spot, it will be imperative one can steal a march on their rivals. Whatever happens, though, one thing’s for sure, as usual the north London derby will be an entertaining, full-blooded match with plenty of goals.

Photo by tauxu2000

According to newspaper rumors, Chelsea have tabled a bid of £29 million for Valencia winger Juan Mata, while Arsenal is also supposedly interested despite Wenger claiming last week that he ruled out bringing him to Emirates Stadium. But who is Juan Mata, how good is he, and will he be a great signing?

Juan Mata is a 23-year-old Spanish winger who is 5’5″ tall. He’s made 176 appearances for Valencia and has scored 46 goals after joining the club from Real Madrid. Mata is a Spanish international, who recently won the U-21 European Championship. Mata is a player known for his hardworking style, gifted, excellent dribbler, quick, clever, versatile and also quite creative.  He also has an excellent left foot and a good eye for goal.

Here’s how he rates on a scale of 0 to 10 for each of his skills:

Skills:

• Creativity: 7.0
• Dribbling: 7.5
• Pace: 7.0
• Work-Rate: 7.5
• Shooting: 7.0
• Reliability: 8.0
• Passing: 7.5
• Crossing: 7.0
• Tackling: 5.5

Mata plays more as a “False 10.” He’s a player that likes to drift more to the wing and make his runs and plays. He plays more on the left wing. He can also play in the middle as a creative midfielder, as proven last season with Valencia after David Silva’s departure, where he became the fulcrum and playmaker of the side. He was excellent last season, scoring 10 goals and making 15 assists in 44 appearances, which is his best season yet, displaying his versatility and creativity. But still I believe he’ll be playing on the left hand side if he joins a Premier League side.

Juan Mata, if he does sign, will be a great signing. Not only because of his skillful style of play and creativity, but also his hardworking nature. He’s a player that runs his socks off for the team and will give his all. He’s an excellent player that would become a fan-favorite.

Juan Mata is reportedly valued by Valencia at £30 million, but it is speculated that a fee of around £25-29 million pounds will be enough to acquire him. I really hope Chelsea or Arsenal do as he’ll be a great signing for either club and the Premier League.

Follow me on Twitter: @OAlmasri and read more of my posts on my site at http://www.o-posts.net

Despite this, Udinese are still a dangerous threat and are known for playing some excellent football and their quick counter attacks, and shouldn’t be underestimated. The club still has players that the Gunners, must have a watchful eye on. Here are four Udinese players that the Gunners must look out for, in this two-legged playoff.

1. Antonio Di Natale

Arguably Udinese’s biggest threat, Di Natale is a goal-scoring machine, who’s one of the best and lethal finishers I’ve ever seen. He has been banging in the goals in Serie A, for the past few seasons and last season, Di Natale scored 28 goals in 36 appearances to end up as top goalscorer ahead of last season’s sensation, Napoli’s Edison Cavani. Di Natale is a clever, tricky, skillful and terrific finisher and player, that Arsenal must keep an eye on at all times. He’s an absolute nuisance to any defence, and will definitely be a player to keep a watchful eye on.

2. Kwadwo Asamoah

Asamoah, is one of the best young midfielders in Europe, who’s known for his creativity and strong physique. The Ghanian international, has been linked numerous times to the Gunners and should definitely be considered a threat. Asamoah, doesn’t many goals, but will provide the service for players like Di Natale, with his excellent vision, passing and creativity. I highly rate Asamoah and believe that the Gunners should be aware of.

3. Mauricio Isla

The Chilean international full back who can also play as a winger, is a player who never stops running and who can make some excellent and dangerous runs, and is a very good crosser. Isla, is a talented and skillful player, who is a nuisance to any defence because of his constant running and movement. He is known for his excellent attacking play, he’s a good dribbler, has quick feet and provides some dangerous crosses.

4. Pablo Armero

The Colombian international, who impressed at the Copa America. Pablo Armero, just like Mauricio Isla, plays as a full back/winger and is known for his power, strength and skillful play. Armero, is a powerful player with a strong physique and known for his excellent runs, movement, and skills. He’s overall, an excellent player, who can be a threat to any defence. Armero is a difficult player to shrug off and mark, as he constantly makes powerful runs to the box and is very physical. Definitely a player the Gunners must keep an eye on.

Udinese have other threats, like Antonio Floro Flores, who’s a striker known for his physical approach and is strong aerially and also, German Denis, who is a tricky player, known for his skills and excellent movement.

Udinese will still be a threat , but I believe the Gunners should do enough to get through this tough tie. I believe it will be an exciting double-header, as both teams play excellent football and are exciting to watch. I’m looking forward to watching the two teams in action, promises to be a fascinating double-header.

Fixture Schedule:

Sunday, August 16
At the Emirates Stadium, 19:45 UK Time

The return leg will be held on Wednesday, August 24:
At the Stadio Friuli, 19:45 UK Time

Follow me on Twitter: @OAlmasri and check out my blog: http://www.o-posts.net

This is one of the most difficult and challenging articles that I have written so far. Not only because I am a huge fan of Arsenal skipper Cesc Fabregas, but because he’s one of the most talented and best players in his position in the world. This article is going to cause some debate and I know most will not like it, but let’s face it, our beloved Fabregas looks likely to leave sooner or later to his boyhood club Barcelona. Because of this I decided on making a list of 10 Possible Replacements for Cesc Fabregas. This list is based on their quality, value and the ability to replace one of the best midfielders in the world.  I hope it’s a good read and please share your thoughts and opinions.

The list is in random order:

Hernanes- Club: Lazio- Age: 26- Nation: Brazil- Height:5’11”

One of the best signings in all of Europe last season. Hernanes, was one of the stars last season in the Serie A, putting in some top-notch performances, most notably against Inter Milan in a 3-1 win. Hernanes is considered a world-class player, known for his excellent passing, dribbling, vision and explosiveness. The 10 million pounds that Lazio paid to sign him, is now considered a bargain and his value is now at least triple that amount. Hernanes has stated that his intentions in staying with Lazio, but if Lazio get an offer of around 30 million pounds or more, they might be tempted to sell.

According to transfermarkt.co.uk, Hernanes is valued at 16 million pounds. But Lazio will want much more than that, probably around 30 million pounds.

Kwadwo Asamoah- Club: Udinese- Nation: Ghana- Age: 22- Height: 5’10”

Appearances/ Goals with Udinese: 85/5

A very gifted player, who is considered one of the best young players in the world. Kwadwo Asamoah, has long been linked with a move to the Gunners and has had an excellent season with his club Udinese. Asamoah is a talented midfielder, known for his skill, creativity, work-rate and strong physique.  Asamoah can play in central midfield as well as on the left, he has all the capabilities and talent to succeed with the Gunners and in the Premier League.

According to transfermarkt.co.uk, he’s valued at around 8.5 million pounds. Kwadwo Asamoah, though, is valued by Udinese at around 18 million pounds.

Yoann Gourcuff- Nation: France- Club: Olympique Lyonnais-  Age: 24- Height: 6’1”

Appearances/ Goals with Lyon: 27/3

A very talented and creative player. Yoann Gourcuff is one of the most talented players, in my opinion, not only in France, but in Europe as well. Yes, he didn’t have the best of seasons last season with his club Lyon and looked short on confidence. When he is confident and in his stride, he is one of the best playmakers you’ll ever see. Gourcuff is known for his creativity, excellent dribbling, passing, set piece ability and technique. He was also labeled as like many talented Frenchmen, as the next Zidane. I know that they’ll never be another Zinedine Zidane, but when I see Gourcuff play, with confidence, he’s the closest I’ve seen to Zidane. The way he dribbles and his style of play is reminiscent of the French legend.

If Gourcuff can regain his confidence and gets settled, then he can be a great signing for the Gunners and would take the Premier League by storm.

According to transfermarkt.co.uk, Gourcuff is valued at around 18 million pounds, but Lyon would probably want more than 20 million pounds for his services.

Doesn’t this goal just remind you of Zidane:

Wesley Sneijder- Nation: Holland- Age:27- Club: Inter Milan- Height: 5’7”

Appearances/Goals with Inter Milan: 80/15

One of the world’s best players, Wesley Sneijder, has had a rough time last season due to injury problems and Rafa Benitez’s questionable tactics. When he’s at his best, though, there is no questioning his talent and ability. He’s a terrific passer, excellent with both feet, great set piece taker, all in all, one of the best midfielders in the world today. Sneijder has so far refused to commit his future to Inter Milan and is said to be a top target for Manchester United. Would it be nice for not only the Gunners to acquire a quality player, but to also acquire him ahead of a fierce rival.

He is reportedly valued at around 35-40 million pounds, his high wages could also be a concern, but if Wenger wants a top-quality replacement, then he needs to pay up.

Lucho Gonzalez- Nation: Argentina- Age: 30- Club: Olympique Marseille- Height: 6’1”

Appearances/Goals with Marseille: 94/18

A player that has been linked with the Gunners on numerous occasions. Lucho Gonzalez, is an Argentinian central midfielder plying his trade for Olympique Marseille, who’s likely to leave this summer. Lucho is known for his excellent passing, leadership and high work-rate and was also the player with the most assists last season in Ligue 1, with 12. People may think that his age could be a problem, but I honestly think it could be a plus. Not only will the Gunners have a quality player, but with his experience, he could act as a guide and aid the progress of young, rising Gooners like Ramsey and Wilshere.

He is reportedly valued by his club, at around 13 million euros.

Joao Moutinho- Nation: Portugal- Club: FC Porto- Height: 5’7”

Appearances/Goals with Porto: 51/2

Joao Moutinho has been linked with the Gunners, ever since he was at Sporting Lisbon. Moutinho, had a superb season with Porto and was one of the stars of their excellent campaign, alongside Falcao and Hulk. He’s a talented and skillful player, who has an excellent passing range, a good dribbler and creative. His future at Porto has been thrown into doubt after Andre Villas-Boas’s departure, and could be a shrewd and quality acquisition for the Gunners.

He reportedly has a release clause of around 35 million pounds.

Paulo Henrique Ganso- Age: 21- Club: Santos- Nation: Brazil- Height: 6’1/2”

Appearances/Goals with Santos: 94/23

A player that is destined and likely to leave Brazil and play with a top club in Europe. The highly-rated, Paulo Henrique Ganso, is one of the best talents to come out of Brazil in the past few years. He is so highly regarded, that he’s labeled by Brazilian correspondents as “world-class” and he’s only 21. He’s very skillful, excellent passer and dribbler, with his style very similar to Kaka. He has had his injury problems which is probably the main reason for his poor Copa America so far, but is still a brilliant talent. There is huge interest in him from Italy, in particular the Milan rivals, Inter and AC Milan, but nothing has been made official yet and he’s still a Santos player. He has a very bright  future ahead of him.

Reportedly valued at around 25-30 million pounds.

Kaka- Nation: Brazil- Age: 28- Height: 6’1”- Club: Real Madrid

Appearances/Goals with Real Madrid: 52/16

Brazilian star and AC Milan legend, Kaka, has had a rough year with his club Real Madrid and after the signing of Nuri Sahin… his future at Real Madrid is in doubt. Kaka has had physical and injury problems for the past few years, but when at he’s at his best, he’s one of the best players in the world, in the top 5 best at the least. Kaka is known for his excellent dribbling, passing, vision, creativity and also has an excellent eye for goal. He’s also a known admirer of the Gunners, especially in their style of play. All in all, one of the best playmakers in world football. Due to his injuries and lack of playing time, his transfer fee has decreased significantly, almost by half the price he cost when he transferred to Real Madrid.

He’s reportedly valued at around 30 million pounds and just like Sneijder, his wages are a concern, the Gunners need to pay up if they want to acquire him.

From within the club:

Aaron Ramsey- Nation: Wales- Age: 20- Height: 5’10”

Appearances/Goals with Arsenal: 59/6

A highly rated young player with a bright future ahead of him. Aaron Ramsey, is the natural successor to Cesc Fabregas  and has all the talent and ability to become a great player for the Gunners. Aaron Ramsey signed for the Gunners on June 13, 2008 from Cardiff City, in which the Gunners beat stiff competition from Manchester United for his signature. Ramsey has put in some excellent performances for the Gunners, most recently against Manchester United, in which he scored the only and put on a very good performance alongside another future star in Jack Wilshere. His horrific leg break has stifled his progress somewhat, but he has bounced back well and has a very bright future ahead of him.

Samir Nasri- Nation: France- Age: 24- Height: 5’10”

Appearances/Goals with Arsenal: 124/27

The likeliest option if Fabregas leaves and he stays. Samir Nasri, has had an excellent season, where he was second in the race for the best player in the Premier League. Nasri is a player who can beat players, creative, an excellent passer,  has good vision and great technique. There are reports suggesting that Nasri wants to play a more central role next season and if Fabregas leaves, will be a huge candidate for that role. He has the ability and skill to do very well, as the playmaker of the team.

Follow me on Twitter at @OAlmasri and read my blog posts at O-Posts.

1. Aly Cissokho- Age: 23-  Height: 5’11”- Nation: France- Club: Olympique Lyon

A powerful left back, known for his physical capabilities and his constant forward bombardments. Cissokho is one of the most highly-rated fullbacks in world football, who first grabbed the eye with his memorable performances in the two-legged second round Champions League match against Manchester United while at Porto. He impressed against then Man United player and star Cristiano Ronaldo, who was given a hard time by the French fullback. Cissokho is now a French international and is wanted by many clubs all over Europe. He’s a quality player, who attacks with venom as well as being more than a capable defender who can handle his own against the best. Cissokho is more than ready to play in the big leagues and his valuation in my opinion, is in excess of £12 million.

2. Jose Enrique- Age: 25-  Height: 6’0″- Nation: Spain- Club: Newcastle

A reliable player, Jose Enrique is being touted to leave Newcastle this season and is interesting some of the best in the Premier League. Jose Enrique is known for his consistency, reliability, being a great crosser and being an able defender who can defend stoutly. Jose Enrique is valued by his club at around £15 million, which is inflated in my opinion as his value is closer to £8-10 million.

3. Leighton Baines- Age: 26-  Height: 5’6″- Nation: England- Club: Everton

Definitely the most popular target by many Gooners, Baines has become one of the best left backs in the league and was the best this season. Baines is known for his tremendous work ethic, consistency, reliability, being great in both ends; defensively and attack-wise, as well as possessing a tremendous left foot and a great crosser. He is now a regular England international. Everton reportedly value him at £25 million and are also known for being tough negotiators, but nonetheless he’s a quality left back and player.

4. Maynor Figueroa- Age: 28-  Height: 5’11”- Nation: Honduras- Club: Wigan Athletic

The player known for his 60-yard wonder goal vs Stoke, Maynor Figueroa has long been admired by the top clubs for a long time. The Honduran is known for his solid defending, reliability, as well as possessing a superb left foot, displayed by his stunner against Stoke City. Figueroa is reportedly valued at £8 million.

Video of THAT goal against Stoke City:

5. Benoit Tremoulinas- Age: 25- Height: 5’8″- Nation: France- Club: Bordeaux

A very talented left back that is heavily touted to leave Bordeaux, Benoit Tremoulinas is a gifted full back known for his work rate, consistency, being great at both ends of the field, and for his superb crossing which has given former teammate Marouane Chamakh a good amount of goals. Tremoulinas is a target for many top clubs around Europe and is now a French international. In my opinion, it’ll take an offer in excess of £10 million to persuade his club to let him go.

6. Emilio Izaguirre- Age: 25-  Height: 5’10”- Nation: Honduras- Club: Celtic

One of the best signings of the SPL this season, Emilio Izaguirre has made a huge impact with Celtic, and has endeared himself to the fans with his exciting attacking play and great performances. Izaguirre is a player known for his tireless running and his constant forward bombardments. He’s a good crosser and is a threat going forward. He can sometimes be a liability in defence due to his constant forward forays, but overall he’s an exciting player who can play for a top club in a Europe. His transfer value is around £10 million.

7. Pablo Armero- Age: 24-  Height: 5’8″- Nation: Colombia- Club: Udinese

A powerful wing back known for his physicality, skill with the ball and his excellent runs forward. Pablo Armero is an exciting player who has been excellent this season in Serie A, and is one of the reasons for Udinese getting into the Champions League qualifiers. Armero has been linked and is interesting some of the best clubs in Europe, and can also play equally well as a left winger. He would probably cost around £12-15 million.

8. Federico Balzaretti- Age: 29- Height: 5’10”- Nation: Italy- Club: Palermo

The reliable and consistent Italian international Federico Balzaretti is touted to move on this summer and there will be a number of clubs interested. Balzaretti is a player known for his constant bombardments going forward and providing excellent crosses. He’s not only good attack wise, but does a good job defensively as well, and is a reliable and consistent player. He is valued in between £7-10 million.

Here’s a video displaying his talents, but it shows mostly his attacking side:

9. Kieran Gibbs- Age: 21- Height: 5’11”- Nation: England

A player expected to be the future left back for both the Gunners and England, Kieran Gibbs is considered as one of England’s brightest talents and is highly rated by many. Gibbs certainly has the talent and potential to become an excellent full back, but he has suffered a lot with a spate of injuries which has slowed his progress down. Many Gooners don’t see him as a suitable replacement for Clichy, and is considered to be more of a winger than a fullback. I believe that Gibbs has the ability to play that role and become an excellent fullback, but he needs to get games and to stay fit. For now though, he’s not ready.

10. Thomas Vermaelen- Age: 25- Height: 5’11”- Nation: Belgium

A far-fetched option that is being suggested due to speculation of potential defensive deals. Vermaelen has played before as left back with his previous club, Ajax, and is a solid option. Vermaelen has the pace, the defensive ability, as well as possessing an excellent left foot. Despite that, I doubt that Wenger would utilize that option; Vermaelen is a quality central defender… nothing less, nothing more.

What do you think? Are any of these targets good enough to replace Clichy? Is Gibbs ready to be a regular full back with the Gunners? Should Vermaelen be considered as an option? Please share your thoughts and opinions.

Photo by calvinchanphoto

First, let me start by commending Edwin Van der Sar on a long and illustrious career. Coming through the ranks at Ajax, he won countless number of trophies including the Champions League during the very successful 1990s Louis van Gaal years. Moving to Juventus he won the UEFA Intertoto Cup and repeated that feat at Fulham in 2002 before finally completing his move to Manchester United. At United he has won every club based trophy including the 2008-2009 Champions League title in which he saved the last penalty in a tense shoot-out. And the FIFA Club World Cup. The thing that sets him apart from his peers though is his first-class professionalism, reliability and consistency.

Van der Sar was and is the natural successor to Man United’s other talismanic goalkeeper; Peter Schmeichel. The fact he went to Fulham instead of Old Trafford is a mystery in itself. But he did, and Man United were left desperately trying to replace him with a long line of mistake-riddled keepers, á lá Fabian Barthez and Roy Carroll. And you can get the latest odds on the next Man Utd through online betting from BetUS.

As the end of the Premiership season draws ever nearer, the need for a successor to Van der Sar quickens pace. I’m sure every fan would want the right man identified as quickly as possibly instead of another Schmeichel situation occurring; goalkeeper after goalkeeper after goalkeeper, wrong man after wrong man after wrong man.

Who will it be though? Who is good enough to fill the shoes of Van der Sar both in quality and mentality? Will it be a keeper from within the squad or someone from without? These are questions that need to be addressed as a good goalkeeper keeps their teams in matches and wins them points. Look at Cech at Chelsea, Hart at Manchester City, Reina at Liverpool and Gomes at Tottenham. Even Arsenal have looked like they have found their number one goalkeeper for many a year in Wojciech Szczesny.

One possibility is Danish keeper Anders Lindegaard, already at the club. He has been touted as the new Peter Schmeichel but possibly only because they come from the same country. Time will tell for him, he’s 26 and is just starting his Manchester United career though Schmeichel has said he is not good enough — he was replaced at Danish club Odense by Roy Carroll!

My money would be on Germany and Shalke number one, Manuel Neuer whom I believe to be the best goalkeeper in the world at the moment. You just have to watch his performances this season for a lacklustre Schalke side to see how good he is. He has kept them in matches and given confidence to his players to go on and win matches. Neuer has improved drastically within the last few years so much so that he’s Germany’s mainstay goalkeeper. He commands his area well, is a brilliant shotstopper and is agile. His positional sense has also improved two-fold. At 24, he is still young in goalkeeping terms and will keep on improving and is a worthy successor to Edwin Van der Sar.

If anything does come from it though, expect interest from Bayern Munich. The Bayern board of directors were very interested in him before van Gaal promoted Robert Kraft to number one. But with van Gaal leaving in the summer, they might just renew their interest in him.

It remains to be seen whether Manuel Neuer will be receptive of a move to Old Trafford but with Schalke in turmoil and unrest from Neuer himself, this just might be on the cards in the summer. One things for sure though. Man United fans don’t want to wait another six years before a replacement is found.

Who do you think should fill Van der Sar’s shoes when the Dutchman leaves at the end of the season? Share your suggestions in the comments section below.

Photo by hey mr glen.

The euphoria of Tottenham’s midweek win against AC Milan last week was shared across the United Kingdom as Tottenham became only the third English team to beat AC at the San Siro. The Tottenham performance was the archetypal European away-leg performance. Neat and compact and with every player doing their job, they kept it simple and played on the counter, nullifying the Milan attack and finally getting the goal to take them back to White Hart Lane with a 1-0 win. It was a classic counter-attacking move.

Fast-forward to Bloomfield Road Tuesday night for Blackpool versus Tottenham. Blackpool were on a downward spiral having not won in six games including losses to fellow relegation candidates West Brom and West Ham. Tottenham had just won their last four games in all competitions; two hard away games in the Premier League and one home, as well as the historic AC Milan victory. The odds were stacked against Blackpool and if Tottenham won they would have move ahead of Man City into third place.

With everything to play for – for both teams – it was Blackpool that came out victorious. A vital three points for them in their struggle against relegation but ultimately, three points lost from Tottenham’s point of view. Blackpool were good but Tottenham despite dominating for large periods were error-prone and lacking concentration in defence and finally succumbed to a 3-1 loss.

The result doesn’t tell the whole story though. As with many times this season and I’m sure many more times, upfront Tottenham were lacking quality. All three strikers have a combined total of just eight goals with Russian striker Roman Pavlyuchenko leading that with six goals to his name, and he’s not even a starter. Peter Crouch has two and Jermain Defoe doesn’t have any. Tonight, Tottenham had 25 shots on goal with ten being on target. Blackpool meanwhile managed eight shots on goal with four being on target. It isn’t too hard to spot the difference between the two teams tonight. Needless to say, Roman Pavlyuchenko got Tottenham’s only goal.

The difference between the strikers in Europe and in the Premiership is terrifying. Even Defoe has scored in Europe. This though, is down to European defenders not knowing how to handle Peter Crouch. Currently, Crouch is joint fourth top goal scorer in the Champions League with five goals. Roman Pavlyuchenko has three and Defoe has two to his name. The Premiership though is much more physical and fast paced and teams know how to play against Crouch.

Tottenham’s lack of quality upfront has been apparent all season and had they had better options would have beaten Man United at home, Wigan at home and Newcastle away to name but a few. The January transfer window was a perfect time to acquire a player to start firing in some goals and a whole host of strikers were linked. From Diego Forlan to Luis Suarez, to Andy Carroll and to Giuseppe Rossi, though none ultimately turned up at the Lane. Apart from a late bid for Charlie Adam (instrumental in tonight’s loss to Blackpool) nothing happened at Tottenham and they entered the final leg of the season with no-striking upgrade.

Tottenham have rode their luck at times this season and have masked their lack of quality upfront by quality from other areas of the pitch. Goals have come in abundance from Gareth Bale and Rafael Van der Vaart (seven and ten goals respectively) while Niko Kranjcar has been amongst the goals the last few games, scoring winners against Bolton and Sunderland. It seemed tonight Tottenham’s luck ran out.

To repeat last season’s heroics as well as playing Champions League football was an extremely hard task for Redknapp’s men at the start of the season. Champions League place rivals, free spending Man City had strengthened in the summer and also strengthened in January. They now had arguably the most dangerous frontline in the Premiership. Chelsea had strengthened, acquiring Fernando Torres and David Luiz in January.

There are currently four points separating fifth place and third place with Tottenham in fourth, two points ahead of Chelsea having played a game more and two points behind Man City equal on games. The last two European places look to be going to the wire and we could be in for a very exciting finish. Has Tottenham’s luck run out and will Redknapp rue not upgrading his strike force?

Time will tell.

Photo by The Gaffer.

The convincing 5-1 win in the FA cup against Championship side Burnley Monday confirmed that West Ham might be turning a corner. A good thing too, as they would look an expensive joke in the Championship with a half full Olympic Stadium after 2012.

West Ham’s season so far has been one of inconsistency, lack of goals and more worryingly, the third worse goals against column in the league. It’s no wonder they have only won five games all season. Their last five home games have resulted in one win, one draw and three losses but surprisingly, their last five away games have resulted in two wins, two draws and one loss. It’s no wonder that the soccer odds on West Ham United staying up this season are in flux.

Their most recent Premier League game, away to West Brom was – to unashamedly use a real football cliché – a good old relegation six-pointer. The match ended all-square thanks to a herculean comeback by the Hammers. Three down at halftime, Demba Ba, an £8 million acquisition from German side Hoffenheim inspired the comeback, grabbing two goals.

Their two goal hero against West Brom may well turn out to be January’s shrewdest signing. Big, tall and strong, he showed in Germany that he possesses the talent to become a decent player and has all the attributes to succeed in England. The partnership with Carlton Cole and Robbie Keane may just be the catalyst for West Ham to save their season and the £8 million spent will prove a drop in the ocean.

It must also be said that West Ham still have some good players who will fight for the cause. In Robert Green, Matthew Upson and Scott Parker they have a spine of England internationals with immense experience and in the case of Scott Parker, a player who grabs the game by the scruff of the neck, puts his body on the line and never gives up. He’s the sort of player any manager would love to have in their team. Young Freddy Sears who came through the youth ranks at West Ham is an exciting player to watch. Quick and direct, he can play through the middle or wide right of a 4-3-3. His finishing is excellent (as shown in his goal against Burnley) and is always looking to bring others into play. The return of Thomas Hitzlsperger who has just come back from injury is another big plus for West Ham. In his first game for West Ham since signing in the summer, it was his goal that started the rout against Burnley and won him Man of the Match.

Premiership survival is paramount for West Ham. Having secured the rights to call Stratford their new home they need Premiership football to finance it and to fill it. Their most recent results though have shown a fight and resilience seldom seen in the team so far which bodes well for the rest of the campaign. If they can get Demba Ba firing and working well with Carlton Cole and Robbie Keane (after the Irishman recovers from injury expected to last 4-6 weeks) then maybe, just maybe West Ham can kick on from here and save a faltering season.

As the final whistle blew to signal the end of a thrilling match between Fulham and Chelsea, the Premier League had just welcomed its newest star, David Luiz.

The impressive Brazilian on just his first start for Chelsea was, in all sense of the word, everywhere. Partnering John Terry in the centre of defence he started showing signs of typical Brazilian elegance, composure and confidence that belied his lack of Premiership experience.

A towering presence at the back, Luiz along with Terry was soon dominating in the air and making valuable interceptions, but the most noticeable aspect of his game was the fact he was so calm and composed bringing the ball out from defence.

This was done a few times in the first half, playing almost as an extra midfielder as Chelsea started dominating the game culminating in him playing a lovely ball over the top of the Fulham defence to Fernando Torres who unfortunately mis-controlled the ball and the chance was gone. But the brilliance of Luiz’s pass was there for all to see.

After half-time it was more or less one-way traffic towards the Fulham goal and David Luiz found himself everywhere. The Brazilian was marauding down the right-wing, playing quick, one touch football around the 18 yard box and generally acting more as an advanced midfielder than a centre-back. Such was his active role in the game that he once found himself on the left hand-side of the Fulham penalty area and, in true Brazilian style, put in a cross by way of a Wayne Rooney-esque overhead kick. Needless to say, the Chelsea fans behind the goal gave him a rapturous cheer amongst the chants of, “Luiz…Luiz…Luiz”.

His first full debut got even more eventful as in injury time, he gave away a penalty when he was adjudged to have tripped Clint Dempsey. His blushes were spared though as the resulting penalty was saved by Petr Cech.

The match finished 0-0 and despite his late blunder, the Man of the Match rightly went to David Luiz for his excellent, action man like display. Calm and composed, and brilliant with the ball, if this match is anything to go by, Chelsea have bought themselves a star in the making.

Photo by Commander Idham

In what was an important game for both teams, it was Tottenham that huffed and puffed and finally showed their class to overcome a dogged Sunderland side at the Stadium of Light Saturday.

In a week where Tottenham were beaten to the Olympic Stadium by rival bidders West Ham, this win kept them on track for Europe and propelled them into a Champions League place.

With a cast of injuries the visitors came into this game with a whole host of changes. The Brazilian Sandro came in along with the Bolton match winner, Niko Kranjcar, and Roman Pavlyuchenko. Aaron Lennon settled for a place on the bench, presumably for the Champions League tie against AC Milan.

Sunderland’s 17 points lost in winning positions were in contrast to Tottenham’s 17 points won in losing positions. The stat inevitably rang true in the end when a Niko Kranjcar cracker proved the winner in an exciting, tense match.

As per Sunderland’s recent home form and Tottenham’s away form, Sunderland raced ahead thanks to a classy finish by Asamoah Gyan. This was somewhat fortuitous – though deserved – as William Gallas wandered off pitch to change his bootwear; the third time he had changed it. Down to 10 men, his team-mates had a right to feel aggrieved.

Gyan collected the ball from Richardson and with one touch had bought himself time, turned and fired a shot low into Gomes’ left hand corner. Too easy for Sunderland and for William Gallas, changing his boots, embarrassment.

Sunderland were piling on the pressure and were unlucky to concede the equaliser. A corner from Steven Pienaar was met on the head by Tottenham captain, Michael Dawson. The ball squirmed through the legs of the hapless Sunderland keeper, Craig Gordon, to make it 1-1. Yet again, Sunderland’s lost 17 points was justified and this was a lifeline for a lacklustre Tottenham.

Steve Bruce must have been ruing the possession at half-time. The teams trudged off, Tottenham obviously the happier of the two but with Sunderland dominating the half. This performance showed that Bruce’s side could cope competing for European places but, in the second-half were outperformed and out-classed by a revitalised Tottenham side.

Tottenham started applying more pressure and as a result, a few decent moves. The winner came from Niko Kranjcar, only getting his chance because of the injured Luka Modric and Van der Vaart.

On 57 minutes after a failed clearance from Sunderland the ball fell kindly to Kranjcar who, with exquisite technique, rifled a 20 yard yard volley into the bottom left hand corner of the net.

Tottenham looking increasingly dangerous on the counter, hung on to a vital three points despite Gomes getting booked and a late Richardson chance. Their race for fourth now puts them two points behind Manchester City in third while Sunderland still battles it out for a European place.

Supreme No More

It says a lot, for better or for worse, that Manchester United’s eighteenth championship sent barely a ripple through the footballing press.  Most headlines read, “Man United 0 – Arsenal 0,” with United’s Premier League-winning feat mentioned in the sub header.  It seems the Premier League ended some time ago, perhaps when Liverpool drew Arsenal in a more exciting fashion then Saturday’s soaking wet kick about (or at least for me, when Aston Villa drew Stoke in early March).

This was an awful season all-round.  The sort of narratives that usually drive speculation among punters, neutrals and johnny-come-latelys fizzled just as soon as they were kindled: Benitez finally winning the league; Aston Villa challenging for the Champions League at Arsenal’s expense; the beginning of the end of Man United’s debt-pooled collapse in the manner of their American shirt sponsor.  Like a band of nervous studio execs descending on their auteur director, any hint of originality this year was forced to give way to cozy convention.  Even Liverpool trouncing United at Old Trafford 4-1, certainly the most dramatically significant match of the 2008-09 season, was the exciting exception that proved the deadly dull rule.

Sadly, Newcastle United going down with Alan Shearer saluting as the icy waves reach his cabin door, only for a BBC helicopter to come swooping in at the last minute to rescue him as the Toon break in half and lurch to the ocean floor, may be the only real convention broken this year.  Watching Newcastle was like watching a club stuck in time warp, with names and players culled straight from 2003-2004.  Viduka, Owen, Duff. Only Obafemi Martins looked the part on occasion.  Steven Taylor once or twice.

The Northeast is currently bearing the brunt of an economy laid to waste by the Ponzi-esque banking schemes of moneyed London, and it’s hard to imagine even a club of Newcastle’s stature coming back from the brink without lucrative new ownership.  Newcastle can still escape of course, but even if they do, the smart bet isn’t on a bright, sunny outlook for 2009-10.  And while relegation can often be the best thing to happen to a club, exclusion for once-mighty top flight teams, as in the case of Leeds or Forest, can last a lifetime.

It seems these days in the Premier League, relegation struggles are squeezing out the top-of-the-table victories for front page headlines.  While we can usually depend on You-Know-Who to fill out the Champions League roster, the list of potential relegated clubs is cutting closer to the core of the English football of old.  Even Tottenham prior to the intervention of Harry Redknapp, seemed early on destined for a relegation fight.  A collapsing domestic economy, coupled with the enormously-inflated cost of competing in the top flight, mean the difference between challenging for Europe and struggling to stay in the Premier League altogether is going to get smaller and smaller.

As is the distance between England’s four best clubs, and the rest.

The Kids Are Our Future

Football loves dominant sides.

Think of Herbert Chapman’s Arsenal of the 1920s, ravaging England with the WM formation; Real Madrid of the early days of the European Cup, with Alfredo di Stefano and Ferenc Puskas wreaking havoc on unsuspecting continental champions; Liverpool getting comfy on their “fucking perch,” winning four European cups in the span of seven years in the late seventies and early eighties; AC Milan’s post-Berlusconi Dutch delight in the mid to late eighties and early nineties.  Dominant sides measure the development of the game as winning ways switch from country to country, club to club.

The Manchester United of recent years are certainly worthy of inclusion among the clubs mentioned above, but as the Premier League trophies pile up, the FA Cup loses its sheen, and England’s footballing strength gets more and more concentrated in the hands of the wealthy few, so grows United’s sense of entitlement.  There were several signs of this today when Manchester United defeated its City rivals to all but secure a record 18th league title, what should have been a moment of team solidarity.  Certainly Ronaldo whingeing like a git after getting subbed off at the sixtieth minute didn’t exactly inspire, but when Tevez somehow found an ‘I’ in team after scoring United’s second goal, cupping his ears in delight at the director’s box with whom is at odds over his future at the club, it was hard to imagine the neutral giving a round of applause to the nearly-champions.

Compare these antics to Barcelona, United’s competition in the Champions League final and a team seemingly reborn under the youthful tutelage of Pep Guardiola. After a hard-fought two leg enterprise against Chelsea, a club that represents for many over-moneyed and overly-negative English football (and who also drew comparisons to Man United in last year’s CL semi final), Barcelona came out as moral (and actual) victors.  Barcelona seem victors in the image department as well: sponsor-less for years, the Catalan club sport UNICEF on their shirts (compared to Man United, sponsored by a failed American investment conglomerate).  All this means the Anyone But United crowd will likely be joined by a fair share of footballing neutrals on May 27th.  To that end, it’s a shame United’s younger players didn’t show a little more respect to the notion of “team first” today.

Of course no one could argue that arrogance and individualism don’t play a large measure in winning sides; one need only think of Cruiff at Ajax or Giuseppe Meazza at Inter Milan (the latter famously showed up still drunk from carousing the night before, only to score three goals).  The difference is that for many, United represent the worst effects of neoliberal commercialization in the Premier League, the pushing of product, the prawn sandwiches, United shirts on sale at Reebok next to the sweatshop shoes.  Tevez using his considerable skills in an effort to raise his stock price, and Ronaldo disrespecting his manager and his teammates by throwing a tantrum after a brilliant performance (Ferguson shrugged it off to the media, and with four points to win in three games to secure the title, no wonder)—actions that reduce the game to what Eduardo Galeno called a “showcase of commercial exhibition”—don’t help Manchester United’s image problem.

United’s younger players would do well to help keep their self-interested gait off the pitch, and start acting in ways worthy of the champions they are now almost certain to become.  Lord knows the ABU crowd don’t need any more help than Ronaldo has already given them.

Gentleman, let us put away childish things.

Yes, international breaks can provide some godawful football.  Yes, it doesn’t seem fair for a player to risk injury for a team he plays with only five times a year and miss games for the club that employs him on a weekly basis.  Yes, nations like Lichtenstein don’t give much bang for your underdog dollar when facing Germany.

But to call international football boring, to curse the name of the foreign sounding manager who would dare call up your club star to represent the nation that raised him, to rant on whatever message board or blog that will let you about the inanity of Wales versus Finland, France versus Lithuania, is arrogant in the extreme.

Hatred for the international break comes from the same school of thought that calls for the abolishment of the Carling Cup, the FA Cup, and the speedy introduction of the European Super League.  If the same nations always seem to advance in international tournaments, the absurd logic goes, why not give them an automatic berth and have everyone else duke it out over the summer?

Well, for one, things change in international football, if maybe not fast enough for the club supporter who mentally erases the club season just as soon as it’s over.  Hungary were considered a global footballing power in the 1950s, along with Austria in the 1920s.  Yugoslavia, Denmark and Greece have more European Championships than England.  Hell, Uruguay twice as many World Cups as England.  Brazil was once considered small potatoes in South America, and Argentina didn’t participate in international tournaments for two decades out of fear of embarrassment.  Who’s to say Ivory Coast, South Korea, or even the United States won’t one day win a World Cup?

Sure, these are established footballing countries with ambitious national programs, but what about San Marino and the Faroe Islands?  These tiny nations are unlikely to take a national tournament by storm, but is it fair to take away the right of nations to compete in the most popular game on the planet just because you get a bit bored one Saturday or Wednesday out the season?  If you ask any professional footballer, they will often point to international caps as the highlight of their career.  It could be something curmudgeonly club-shirted punters, Best-Of DVDs in hand, might never understand.

Amid all the murmurings about ESPN losing Champions League rights in the US, Canadians, with some notable exceptions, have emerged relative winners in the last few years, even with the initially disruptive introduction of Setanta Sports in the latter part of 2007.

In a perfect world, all the football we’d ever want to watch would be split between three basic cable channels forever and ever, amen. But as long as the Premier League and the Champions League remain as popular, that will never be the case—although Canada comes pretty close.

As it stands now, Setanta gets the early and late matches on Saturdays and pick of the litter for the 10:00 AM EST slot. It also gets the early Sunday PL fixture. While annoyed Canadians have to pay a premium fee ($14.99 a month on Cable providers Bell and Rogers), the trade off is getting to watch weekday, holiday and repeated fixtures that used to go begging on Canadian television, in addition to live Champions League games, SPL matches, on and off Eredivisie and regular Sunday French Ligue 1, plus staple shows like Football Matters and the Friday Football Show (the less said about Rugby and GAA the better), no broadband, no fuss, no muss.

Meanwhile Rogers Sportsnet (basic cable) gets the second 10 AM Saturday pick, and the Score gets the marquee 11 am Sunday morning fixture, so drive-by supporters who don’t mind sifting through the dregs of Justin TV once in a while are okay. In addition to the Premier League, La Liga and Bundesliga fans can get their fix on GolTV (3 bucks a month and no carrier lawsuits!) and Serie A supporters can catch games (and Bobby McMahon) both on Fox Sports Canada (3 bucks a month) and Telelatino (basic cable). The main sports channel, TSN (basic cable) carries quarterfinal-final Champions League fixtures.

These prices vary of course if you decide to go with a premium package. It’s not ideal, but with one or two exceptions the quality of coverage is very good and the amount of football available without having to go beyond basic cable is substantial. Amid the turgid mess of rights’ acquisitions, it’s nice to enjoy a bit of stability.

Fabio Capello’s quiet demeanor and considered words give him an aura of deep intelligence and authority, so much so it can sometimes seems he’s foreseen everything through 2010 and beyond. But this week the aura’s faded a bit under over doubts about his decision last week to call-up perma knee-knacked Tottenham defender Ledley King, and more recently, to exclude Michael Owen from consideration after Heskey and Cole left the pitch injured against Slovakia on Saturday.

While the jury’s still out on the King call-up (personally, I think Redknapp is a hypocrite), criticism of Capello’s decision to leave Owen out smacks of both tactical misunderstanding and hypocrisy. Recall only two years ago when Second Choice Steve McClaren was hung out to dry by the press for his blandly predictable England team sheets, chock full of “Golden Age” players only some of whom continued to live up to the billing.

Despite Owen’s admirable service for his country (forty goals in eighty-nine caps), selecting a Newcastle striker who played Hull and twenty minutes against Arsenal after a seven game absence in the hope that he’ll perform because it’s “England and St. George” defies common sense. Beyond that, a striker of Owen’s traditional talents—quick pace, fox in the box—doesn’t fit with midfield-heavy England. The one-touch, quick passing, fast-winger approach Capello demonstrated against Slovakia requires a big man up front to settle the ball under pressure; just look at Heskey’s opening goal. Playing Owen would force Capello to adjust his approach.

Capello himself said it best when responding to Owen’s international record: “I have to choose players to play against Ukraine, not against history.” England have been playing against history since 1966; it’s nice to have a manager able to adapt to present circumstances and not past glories.

Say what you will about David Beckham, but at least the man isn’t on Twitter.

Too bad in a way, because Beckham epitomizes the Internet age.  Thirty years ago, football’s ignominious sideshow used to be known only to players and pub owners; today, David Beckham has made the 24 hour netnews tabloid periphery the main event.  Or rather, he hasn’t per se.  Had he married a twenty-six year old accounting executive and never dropped by the hair salon, it’s very likely we’d view David Beckham much in the same way as we view any aging England star—nice that he’s still chugging away, but when will he secure that TV pundit deal and drop out already?

And no, this isn’t just another David Beckham harangue.  The man is on the verge of breaking Bobby Moore’s venerable record of 108 England caps.  John Terry has openly spoken of giving him the armband if he gets subbed on against Slovakia.  This after he’s already quieted, if not silenced completely, his critics by playing well with AC Milan after a dubious pair of seasons with the LA Galaxy.  Even though, like the late George Best remarked, the man can’t score, dribble, or mark to save his life, all he’s got is that right foot.

But what a foot! Many fans under twenty might think a player like Beckham would be inconceivable playing for the fluid, short-passing United of the late naughts, but as Rob Smyth pointed out today, his partnership with Scholes, Giggs and Keane was for a time the most effective midfield in English football.  His foot brought qualification to England for WC 2002, and, via Shearingham and Solskjaer, won Manchester United a European Cup.

So why all the animosity?  It can’t be because he’s been overrated; certainly no one worthy of attention has or will ever call him one of the all-time greats.  Some ‘real’ fans hate him because he is the face of ‘sah-ker’ for the unconverted, even while the Leonel Messi’s and Dani Alves’ of the world play a much better game at a much younger age with relatively little outside regard.  To others, he simply represents everything wrong with modern football—sponsorship, ad deals, money, his b-list celebrity wife and chavish looks, fame without the once requisite talent to justify it.  They regard him as soccer’s Paris Hilton.

Perhaps.  To them, I would only say that in thirty years time, no one, outside of some nineties/naughts retrospective, will care about Victoria or sunglasses or 100 million dollar transfer deals to North American bush leagues.  They will remember the football.  It wasn’t always great, but whether it was or it wasn’t, at least the man was dedicated.

And didn’t feel the need to Tweet about it.

Title race back on, blah blah blah, Aston Villa torn apart like a dingo on a newborn, yada yada yada, England expects ahead of international week—wait just one minute there, pal.

It would be safe to say that Villa is a sort of stand-in England B side in the Premier League, at least according to the English press in light of Capello’s on again/off again preference for the once-potent duo of Agbonlahor and Young.  So while Sunday’s thrashing of Villa by Liverpool is good news for Gerrard’s form heading into internationals this weekend, it gives the lie to recent claims that England has achieved some measure of depth in the senior squad.

Villa were very poor, and while O’Neill’s decision to field a more open 4-4-2 at Anfield has taken much of the blame, the form of Heskey, Young, and Gareth Barry certainly didn’t help the cause.  O’Neill even seems to have lost some measure of faith in the latter—he’s already said he’s open to letting Barry go wherever he wishes at the end of the season.

But beyond their current league woes, Villa are at risk of losing out to “mostly-foreign” Arsenal in Champions League qualification for next season.  The CL would have given Villa’s English players invaluable experience playing the best teams and players in club football’s most important knockout competition, surely decent  preparation for South Africa 2010.

The case might be made that England is strong enough with out its younger players or its aging but still useful internationals.  At the moment, Steven Gerrard is worth ten Gareth Barrys.  But Gerrard, like Michael Owen and Wayne Rooney, has missed big tournaments to injury before (Euro 2004).  If England is to expect any measure of success in South Africa next year, it will need a strong group of second strings.  Villa’s current slide in form will not help toward that end.

Set in Stone

Those of us round long enough to remember the Ipswichs, Blackburns and QPRs of old running rampant in the early days of the Premier League may have winced listening to Setanta’s commentators gag with delight as Dossena’s lobbed long ball made it Liverpool 4, Manchester United 1.  “This is why this is the greatest league in Europe, and quite possibly the world,” they gargled, screaming like a pair of bible thumpers who, after praying for sunshine, point to the cloudless sky and shout, “See?!”

Except Liverpool’s win, like the odd sunny day, doesn’t prove a damn thing.  Today Tottenham, who lagged behind in every meaningful stat minus the goal tally, kicked Villa out of the top four.  Of course, our friends supporting any one of the Big Four clubs will say, “It’s down to O’Neill innit?  He just didn’t buy right, he got his tactics wrong, not like our Fergie or our Wenger or our Rafa” as if the Premier League exists in a monetary vacuum where things like geographical advantage, historical popularity, immense television broadcast fees and sponsorship support don’t exist and even if they did, certainly don’t play a part on the pitch.

At the end of the day, it’s an eleven-a-side game, innit?

Perhaps if you’re Chelsea, Liverpool, Arsenal or Manchester United and playing each other.  Take Saturday for example; Sir Alex was right—United were the better team on the day, but Liverpool scored the goals.  It was probably for this very reason the Setanta crew were practically convulsing with delight—”Take that, doubters!  Our league is an awesome league because the shit club won, and the race is back on!”  Yes, a lot of topsy-turvy for the clubs near the 55 to 65 point range.

But the rest of the league is either in one massive relegation fight (ten clubs are within six points or less from the drop) or holding off faint hopes (and I use the word ‘hopes’ guardedly) for the Europa League.  Villa were the only club who even managed to get pundits to talk about breaking the Top Four, let alone the league title, for more than one news cycle.  Their loss means it’s normal service resumed, with only the unlikely possibility of a Liverpool title pip providing any narrative tension.

The Premier League is the not best the league in Europe (though the Big Four are certainly the best European clubs at the moment) because it’s not a “league.” A proper league, as the name implies, features a number of clubs who each has a chance at winning the league trophy.  The odds don’t have to be equal; there may be dominant clubs and shit clubs. But when money creates a feedback loop to the extent that we’ve seen in England, when the same top four clubs ride the crest of historical popularity, ever-increasing broadcast fees and significant geographical advantage, the idea of a “league” dissolves completely.

Just try and take this from us. I dare you...

Jonathan Wilson, the inimitable scholar of tactical mechanics with his recent Inverting the Pyramid: A History of Football Tactics (a book I included in a piece on tactical reductionism for this website) has made a very convincing argument why English Premier League clubs have come to dominate the Champions League in the last four seasons.  And while he doesn’t come out and say it—probably because he didn’t want to get accused of trotting out that old canard—the devil is in Wilson’s meticulously researched details: Top Four Dominance.

Here we go again, you’re forgivably thinking.  Wilson says there are three interrelated reasons why English clubs have run rampant in the Champions League: money, relative competitiveness, and “domestic hegemony.”  Of the first, he argues one of the reasons England has come to dominate Europe is the annual CL qualification of Manchester United, Chelsea, Arsenal and Liverpool, and the regular allotment of Champions League TV fees between them.   But while that point may seem obvious, Wilson believes that money is most important not in balance sheets or debt-to-asset ratios, but in the one area of business Big Four supporters have never been comfortable with crediting for their success: record-breaking transfer deals.

So, if buying the best players with the most money is essential to success in Europe, what then is Wilson on about with the importance of “relative competitiveness”?  He’s not speaking of Everton or Villa’s ability to challenge the big boys in the Premier League, but rather the ability of Big Four clubs to maintain a healthy balance between European and domestic demands, contrary to “the commonly expressed belief that it is beneficial for sides to be either so far ahead or so far behind in their domestic title race that they can concentrate on the Champions League.”

Wilson notes that in six out of the last ten Champions League finals, winning sides kept up their domestic title chases right up to the end of the season (so I guess whether or not Liverpool can win in Europe while challenging for that league title may be the only sort of “competitiveness” EPL watchers will get to “enjoy” for the next few years).  This sort of competition is good because it keeps Top Four clubs versatile and balanced without threatening their domestic hegemony, what Wilson defines as the gap in points between the Big Four and the rest of league and the third important factor in European dominance.

So, in short, the ugly truth is the Premier League is tops in Europe not because it’s the “Best League in the World™” but because it has four sides that regularly qualify for the Champions League, spend a lot in transfer deals to get the best players, manage to push for both the CL and the league in a balanced way without compromising their competitive edge, and regularly increase the relative gap in points between themselves and the rest of the league because they regularly qualify for the Champions League, can buy the best players and etc. etc. etc.

It’s basically the league equivalent of Groundhog Day; all Wilson’s done is give us the itinerary.

North Americans don’t get much in the way of involving chit chat shows covering the Premier League. Sky’s CNN talking-head-over-ticker-tape style sports news is good for watching endless loops of Steven Gerrard looking forlorn as Liverpool’s title chances evaporate into thin air, but it’s hardly the sort of thing that makes you feel glad to be a part of the game.

But for those of us lucky enough to get Setanta, we do have Football Matters, a show hosted by former Football Italia presenter and current Guardian Football Weekly podcast host, James Richardson. It basically consists of Richardson punning his away through the weekend’s highlights alongside the not-hard-to-look-at Rebecca Lowe and a couch full of managers and ex-footballers, usually some variation on Alan Curbishley and Ray Parlour. The studio audience is also central to the action, a dubious mix of gangly supporters wearing replica shirts whose canvassed opinions range from “Tottenham need to pull themselves up in the league,” to “Ronaldo is going to help Man United do the Quintuple this year.”

The show isn’t knee-slappingly funny, although hearing the audience’s slow crescendo burst into a roar as Richardson spins off some dreadfully wonderful pun will at least put a smile on your face. Equal parts amusing and heartwarming is the sedate look the host puts on whenever a prepubescent audience member mangles his (usually) way through some half-cooked observation, usually overwhelmed by the mothering Lowe seated next to them, microphone in hand.

Yet the show’s most winning quality is its unforced irreverance. Sky tends to present football as if it were American Gladiators, all overwrought graphics and hopelessly hyperbolic similes. Setanta has at least opted for some measure of comic relief. Richardson’s banter makes the guests—some caricatured endlessly in the English broadsheets—seem banal, like soap actors discussing long-forgotten plot lines.  He’ll get Curbishley to speak candidly on his unemployment only moments before making Curb’s adam’s apple bobble through his unbuttoned collar with an off-hand quip. Even so, Richardson never gets credit for his extraordinarily journalistic instincts; his casual knowledge of the game would be impressive if he ever drew attention to it.

And yes, the audience is great too. Hearing these boys speak, you remember that football really is for kids—sometimes the deepest ruminations from a seasoned journalist can’t match the eloquence of the fifteen year-old boy, who “never thought Keane got a fair shake at Anfield.”  After a weekend of thundering excess and unrestrained egotism, its nice to have an hour and a half of children’s television to cut it all down to size.

United Enjoy a Cold Cup of Carling

It’s the first of March and although there is everything to be decided, you can smell it in the air. This could be the year United do what hasn’t been accomplished by a British club since Celtic in 1967: winning the League, FA, and European Cups, in addition to the Premier League trophy.

Yet as can often happen in football, the circumstances behind the feat would be less than ideal.  Many pundits have argued convincingly that last year’s United, who won the European double, were a superior club who battled against difficult opposition in a fighting, post-Mourinho Chelsea in both the Premiership and European Cup.  This year, Chelsea has faltered with the early departure of Phil Scolari, and now United’s only other credible competition (sorry Villa) for the domestic crown is Liverpool, who showed clear signs yesterday they are running into the familiar Benitez melodrama: up-in-the-air ownership and swirling questions over the manager’s future.  The Premier League seems to have surrendered early.

The FA Cup, outside the possibility United fold to draw-obsessed Arsenal or maybe-resurgent-maybe-not Chelsea, could also be handed to the Red Devils.  And no one else outside of Barcelona looks as convincing for the Champions League title—the same Barca that has just dropped two games in a row.  Unless Inter can find a strategy that doesn’t include having Ibrahimovic attempt to dink past four United defenders on the edge of the area, Manchester United should go through to the quarterfinals.

For United fans, who no doubt have all been supporting world football’s Harlem Globetrotters since the pre-Ferguson/MUTV/Sky/Murdoch/Asian tours/Nike sponsorship period, the quadruple will be the epic, orgasmic climax of two decades of domestic dominance.  For the rest of us, it will reveal one direction football might take during the up-coming economic depression/recession: total dominance by one, enormously popular club with enough financial clout to weather the coming storm.  This probably won’t matter a damn for football’s pocketbook—after all, everyone loves a winner.

What it might mean for football’s soul is another matter entirely. This year, United could dominate because everyone else is shit.  And as clubs are forced to cut ticket prices, managers send b-sides to major cup competitions, the Premier League feels “lucky” it can still get lots of money in broadcast rights, and more and more lower tier clubs, some with histories as long as Newton Heath’s, simply fall off the face of the earth, we could be in for two decades more of this sort of thing.  So get ready for a new, fifth domestic cup competition, the next step up for the Uniteds of the world: the Quintuple.

Bill Shankly: "Football is a simple game based on the giving and taking of passes, of controlling the ball and of making yourself available to receive a pass. It is terribly simple."

And my particular bugbear, this week, is bullshit-artists who try to over-complicate a perfectly simple game by waffling on interminably about formations and tactics; holding midfielders, players in the hole, galloping wing-backs blah, blah, blah snooze yawn in a bid to make out they’re more clever than everyone else. There is, of course, a time for such talk, but as somebody clever once said about analysing humour, dissecting football to that degree is like dissecting a frog. Nobody is particularly interested and the frog dies.  — Barry Glendenning.

So wrote the Guardian scribe on the Football Weekly blog this week, and I will boldly be the first to say I agree.

There is a latent fear in English football that unless you discuss a 3-0 top of the table thrashing by making several references to the demise of the 4-5-1 in favour of the 3-6-1, you are somehow part of the old, naive generation of English observers who regard pace, power and passion as the solution to any tactical defensive formation imaginable.  On the continent of course, it has always been a humiliating shame to be considered “tactically-naive”; Bobby Robson learned this first hand managing PSV Eindhoven in the bad old days of the early 1990s when he observed, “An English pro accepts the manager’s decision. After every match here, the substitutes come and visit me.”  Now the fear is that unless the game is reduced to a set of variable formulae, English football (specifically the national team) will remain a footballing backwater forever.

Of course, without intelligent formations and plans there would be no football, but it’s wrong to believe football is merely the sum of its tactical parts.  Yet today Jonathan Wilson’s Inverting the Pyramid: A History of Football Tactics sells like hotcakes, and every fifteen year-old boy who’s won a few games on Football Manager posts up their opinions of Wenger’s use of attacking midfielders, with the firm belief that if only they’d been in Arsene’s place to option Vela as a lone striker, Arsenal would never have drew [fill in the the lower table underdog here].  It’s considered conventional wisdom that tactics make the football and not vice-versa, and that’s led to an over-emphasis on the importance of the manager as the driving force of the game. Players are no longer considered capable of taking any on-pitch leadership, or of using their instincts and playing to their individual strengths by grasping a fleeting moment, brilliantly, to change a game midstream.

Bob Paisley once gave famously effective advice to Liverpool on the eve of their first European Cup against Moenchengladbach in Rome, 1977: none at all.  His tactics, already quite familiar to his team, were merely the formations in which his individual players could best excel.  Compare that to Rafa Benitez, who dithered his way out of a Champions League win in 2007 by missing the stupidly obvious: sending in Craig Bellamy to join lone striker Dirk Kuyt (!), so he could at least rough AC Milan up and wedge himself in the box as the game withered and died.

But the best contemporary example has to be Chelsea, whingeing about how Scolari didn’t “make” them train, didn’t “motivate” them by being tough on them, and was “too friendly.” The notion of individual responsibility has been eroded by the expectation that managers should have total control over their players.  Tactics are an integral part of the sport, but they are only one part.  Managers are not gods, and good tactics alone does not a good football club make.  As Glendenning said, echoing Shankly before him, football is a simple game.  Reducing it to tactics and formations alone makes it simplistic.

This is what football is truly all about.

You may have heard that football is about striving for glory, trying your best to win whatever the circumstances, and pleasing the fans by giving it your all each and every fixture.  If you heard that, the person you heard it from is a liar.  Instead, as Aston Villa’s surrender to CSKA Moscow in the UEFA Cup today demonstrates, football is all about devoting your resources to whichever competition proves the most lucrative in television broadcast fees.  At the end of the day, that’s what brings all us fans together.

It’s like when my ten year old nephew told me he was playing in the final of Da Silva’s Glass Door and Framing PeeWee Sportsmanship Cup this weekend.  I asked him, “What about the lucrative popsicle deal you’ll get if you get top spot in Group C of the Bantam Kickers League?  Do you really want to risk all that for some stupid meaningless silverware, Billy?  Do you?”

Before he could answer his mother yanked him away to wipe his tears, but I’m certain he would have said playing to win isn’t as important as achieving a strategic league spot in order to maximize sponsorship and broadcast revenue streams.  UEFA certainly seems to have gotten into the spirit. Their new Europa League emphases the importance of rights auctions and product tie-ins, and only briefly mentions something about a soccer competition with some sort of cuppie-thing at the end of it.

In all the hustle and bustle of football, it’s easy to get caught up in all the glory and winning and striving to be the best team. But those things can end up distracting you from what’s really important.  Like whether to fund January transfers from day-to-day revenue or from the proceeds of player sales.  I mean, sure, it’s great, all that stuff about winning and Cup glory and respecting your fans, but don’t forget—at the end of the day, you have to ask yourself: how does stadium equity fit into debt to asset ratios?  If you don’t know the answer to that, I suggest you re-examine why you got into football in the first place.

The delicious mind-game between former Premier League rivals Jose Mourinho and Alex Ferguson didn’t disappoint yesterday afternoon.  Whether making sure each player wore the correct shirt to the organizing their players in a way to enhance the scoring of goals, these two towering geniuses of the modern game proved beyond a doubt they are football managers.

Of course to the layman, yesterday’s Champions League match between EPL’s United’s of Manchester and Serie A’s Internationals of Milan appeared to be a routine game of eleven-a-side football, but for those with expert tactical knowledge, every detail—from the way Maicon threw in the ball after it went out to touch, to the way Ronaldo fell over several times—was calculated from the start, pieces in an intricate chess match played by two grandmasters of the game.

You could tell by the way former Chelsea boss Mourinho leaned against the glass wall of his enclosure that he knew exactly what he was doing, like asking the men who were best able to kick the ball in the opposing net to try and do just that, or making the guys really good at defending their own net form a line of some sort at the back.  As for Ferguson, who sat and watched the whole game with his face reacting to the events taking place on the pitch, he made no mistakes at all, like making sure there were eleven men on the pitch instead of twelve, and not giving them hockey sticks or knives, which I believe UEFA no longer allows.

Yes, not since Kasparov met Karpov has the world seen such a pairing.  I mean, look at how Ferguson used non-regular starters to replace players unavailable due to injury, or how Mourinho used the best players at his disposal to play in their regular positions.  The intense extra-sensorial perspetival action was almost too hard to bear.  Indeed, when sometimes-fit-but-sometimes-not-fit striker Wayne Rooney came on in the latter stages of the game to replace tiring Ji Sung Park, it seemed to be checkmate times a billion, until Mourinho had it clear he had other plans.  Like having his defenders snuff out Manchester’s attempts on goal.

Now we can all look forward to the second leg in Manchester in two weeks time.  Will Ferguson attempt a slightly different formation so that the players will better interact with one another to facilitate the scoring of goals?  Will Mourinho give an inspiring team talk to try and improve or maintain his players’ performance in the second half?  You’ll have to tune in to find out!

Now don't use this to make jokes about MY writing.

I’m not one to advise anyone how to spend their Champions League February knock-out phase Week One matchday(s), but I know from experience there are worse ways than at your local public house over a pint, or if you’re in America, your local Sports Bar and Family Restaurant Chain tearing soggy corn chips from a crusted web of solidified cheese in between taking sips from a bottle of Coors Lite.  If this is where you’ll be tomorrow, may I suggest a drinking game to pass the time?

At any point a commentator or sports analyst mentions how this week’s match-ups “will go a long way to determining how far the Premiership has come in comparison with Serie A,” have a drink.  Any time a commentator or analyst wonders “how the Serie A’s defensive chess-like tactics will square up against the Premiership’s pace, power and passion,” have a drink.  Any time someone asks for comment on “who’ll win the mind game between Jose Mourinho and Sir Alex Ferguson,” have another drink.  You probably see where I’m going with this, so feel free to provide your own (just please don’t drive home afterward and be sure to have your eye on the nearest washroom).

I love sports journalists, but I know their mad scramble for copy means they will have to take the direct route of soul-shattering cliche.  Most of the stories getting pumped out this week (here is a selection) involve the following logical progession: If a) Serie A is probably not as good as the Premiership but there’s no reliable way of proving it, and b) the Champions League is pitting top Premiership clubs against clubs in Serie A, then c) the outcomes from this week’s matches will reveal something about the respective quality of the leagues.  In the midst of all this are the usual suspects: Italian ‘hooliganism’ (look! It’s not us anymore, see?), references to the Calciopoli scandal, fear that the Premier League might not be as good as we all think (and judging by how United are running away with the title at the moment, maybe not), and the juiciest meme of them all: Fergie v. the Special One.

The Champions League is great entertainment, but I’m not sure it’s the best method of determining league superiority.  A two-legged knockout stage tournament is an entirely different beast than a week-in, week-out league system based on point accumulation.

In fact, the whole matter of league superiority seems dubious from the start.  Yes, Serie A has less money than the Premiership and is less popular internationally (which could have as much to do with the fact English is the lingua franca of the global age than with a preference for ‘quality’) but does that make it a lesser league?  The “defensive” Serie A has seen AC Milan in the Champions League final twice in the past four years, scoring a total of five goals in both games.   Both times they met perennial EPL’s third or fourth-best Liverpool who regularly underperform in the Premiership against sides like Manchester City, one of the richest teams in England.  Spain’s La Liga is persisently called the best league in Europe, but in very recent years have only put up Barcelona as a powerhouse contender in the CL.  And Holland’s Eredivie can’t beat any other clubs in Europe but have produced exciting, down-to-the-wire results for the past two years.  “Superiority” seems to me as much a matter of taste, culture and preference than of trophies.

As for the annoying Mourinho v. Ferguson debate, sorry to say it won’t be determined by Jedi mindtricks or some sort of Scanners-like head explosion technique (although that would be cool!) but by whichever tactics either employ on the day.  Or the weather.  Just remember that when you order your ninth lite beer of the afternoon.

Now THAT's funny.

The Football Comedy is closely related to the Football Film: both are nearly impossible to pull off and both tend to leave fans deeply divided.  In my experience, football comedy is usually best when it targets soccer’s absurd periphery, like When Saturday Comes’ tongue-in-cheek reporting on money in modern English football, Mitchell and Webb’s exquisite dissection of the moronic bombast of Sky Sports, or Steve Coogan’s take on inane TV sports analysis.

But football comedy intended for “the fans” is usually doomed from the start, suffering the a priori limitation of having to carefully cater to the absurd, partisan bias of the average club supporter. Hence the gratingly unfunny Special 1 TV (formerly known as I’m on Setanta Sports), Setanta’s five minute Spitting Image-style puppet show featuring Jose Mourinho, Sven Goran Erikkson, Wayne Rooney and Fabio Capello, among a few other familiar off-screen ‘callers’ (Fergie, Becks and Benitez, rounding up the LCD of recognizable football characters).

Of course many Eee Pee El fans will disagree violently with me on this (scroll down for the usual grab-bag of epithets).  Love for the latex megalomaniac Mourinho and his apparently brain-damaged side-kick Wayne Rooney seems near universal on the blogs.  Some close friends of mine have even expressed envy at my Setanta subscription, not so much for the three Saturday fixtures but for the five minute, post-match S1TV featuring moist globs waving their gloved hands around while making jokes well below the comedy line.

It seems to me in conceiving the show, the producers thought as long as the puppets looked and sounded right the need for funny dialogue would be moot.  They also took care to avoid pissing off their less-than-anticipated number of subscribers by removing any hint of cutting satire (here’s a great example). There’s a reason main on-screen characters are ex-Premier League managers—anything touching on the actual absurdity of the current Premiership might stumble on the truth and thereby piss off thousands of vulnerable supporters, able to mobilize on a moment’s notice with on-line petitions and Facebook groups calling for boycotts (the Rooney puppet, depicted as a rambunctious man child, doesn’t count.  A Ronaldo puppet on the other hand…).

Yes, the show is only five minutes long and easily avoidable.  That’s not the issue.  The issue is is that it seems to have become part of the ‘zeitgeist.’  References to S1TV are near ubiquitous in the English press, and football bloggers almost choked when they swallowed last month’s ‘cancellation’ prank whole (a marketing gimmick for the above-mentioned name change).  I just think we can do better than this, and that there is a place for good, biting satire in deadly-close proximity to match day fixtures—the more offended partisan fans the better.  If they need any inspiration, they could go no better than go back to the original Spitting Image, the show that cut into the dark, horrible heart of Thatcherism with little remorse. Lord knows the Premier League is still ripe for the pickin.’

These are the opinions of the author and not necessarily those of ANYONE else at EPL Talk.

If I had my way, Guus Hiddink, unveiled today at Chelsea, would be the first of several managers to manage both their national and club sides at the same time. It makes perfect sense: the running gag in the British press always seems to be the enormous amount of free time national managers have between meaningless fixtures, a situation that gets less savoury when you consider how much money associations like the FA are willing to pay these talented part-timers. Why couldn’t Hiddink or Capello, or god-forbid Raymond Domenech manage both club and country at the same time?

Just look at the “pro” side! A “country-club” manager will certainly be less likely to whinge about the international breaks, at least with the frequency that some Premier League gaffers do. And who better to judge the quality of players fit for the national team than a proper league manager who has to study these players week in, week out as part of their club routine?

Of course there is the little tricky problem of “conflict of interest.” Player call-ups would be questioned with every international fixture; after all, what would prevent a manager calling up a key competitive star for a meaningless game against Paraguay before a major top of the table clash? Or leaving his own players out?

Wait wait wait, this is a ridiculous idea. I mean, Hiddink has the power to call up Andrei Arshavin and run the little guy into the ground just in time for Chelsea and Arsenal’s epic quest for fourth place. He could spite Tottenham simply by slotting in Pavlyuchenko as a full-back. Did anyone think of this? Is there any time left to stop it?

Preferably before Chelsea meet Aston Villa, brimming with confidence under an intelligent, tactically astute Dutch manager?

 The FA Cup tie that could have been.

Twenty-five football matches scheduled for today have been canceled due to…snow?  What?  Some puffy white water falling majestically from the sky?  This is particularly ironic considering the prognosticators of climate change doom predicted an all-year-round Premier League as one of the upsides to flooded capitals, widespread famine, and, inevitably, Soylent Green.  Someone forgot to tell them that, in fact, global warming produces higher rates of precipitation in traditionally “wet” climes, hence this week’s blanketing, one of several “freak” occurrences in the last few years.  My guess is this is just the beginning and the English will have to get used to snow days, snow jobs, snow blowers, and snow soccer.

That’s right, football in the ice and snow.  Can’t be done?  If he were alive today, Sir Earnest Shackleton might want to have a brandy-soaked, frost-bitten word on the matter.  The crew of doomed Antarctic expedition Endurance managed to find time in their busy schedule—surviving an eighteen month shipwreck on the coldest continent on earth—to play some lovely ice football (pictured above).  That same year, some boys thought nothing much of practicing free-kicks on large chunks of iceberg along the deck of RMS Titanic. Even today there’s the Scottish Premier League where players think nothing of fifty-fifty challenges on frozen earth, or the Faroe Islands where league matches are played in conditions that would down a 747.

But a little snow falls on Holloway Road and Emirates Stadium closes indefinitely.

Full disclosure now: I’m in Canada.  As I write this, snow is already accumulating at a rate that would have Sean Wright-Phillips gasping for air.  We may not know much of anything up here, but we do know that snow is one of life’s little variables.  Sure, a routine birth on a lovely summers day is nice enough, but giving birth in the middle of an epic snowstorm?  The trip to the hospital alone would be a pub story to last decades.

Same with the football.  As Run of Play pointed out this week, rain makes the beautiful game a little more gorgeous.  Well, imagine what fifteen centimetres of fluffy ice crystals might do for a Premier League or FA Cup tie.  Top of the table “Grand Slam” match-ups would be coined “The Battle in the Blizzard;” FA Cup fifth round-winning goals improvised along the banks of a goal-side snow drift would be imitated by awed schoolboys for years.  And the fans who’d drive out in the worst conditions only to stand in a freezing slush pile for ninety-minutes, half-watching their team lose in a fog of white, will have a fresh new way of distinguishing themselves from the “plastics.”

Of course there are concerns about “player safety” and “pitch integrity” and “quality of play,” and all the rest of those namby-pamby, nanny-state Blairisms.  But play a little footy on the white and we’ll see who’s got some lead left in glove-wearing, Crisco-haired “modern football.”

 I have no idea how this keeps happening!

Now, before you start calling me Charlie and suggest I place various things in my nether regions, I should begin by mentioning I am in fact an Aston Villa supporter, so much so that each Christmas I go through the official Aston Villa merch catalogue to order a new AVFC tie. But I’m also a rational observer, and that’s why I can say with some certainty that Aston Villa’s Premier League success just doesn’t seem grounded in reality.

Not that Villa aren’t a sturdy club at the moment. Martin O’Neill is an adept manager and Randy Lerner is a wise chairman. The club has taken a page from the David Moyes/Everton playbook by managing to hold firm in the top six using only a ratchet, a bit of pipe cleaner, and a big man up front. But a quick rundown of the past few Villa league matches will illustrate what I’m talking about.

Portsmouth 0 Aston Villa 1: Heskey scores on his debut! Then Villa scrambles to contain Portsmouth for the next seventy minutes, conceding about a quarter of a million corners and letting Utaka do whatever he wanted in the final fifteen minutes, which amounted to squaring up and missing.

Sunderland 1 Aston Villa 2: Sunderland owns Villa for forty-five horrible minutes. “Champions League, You’re Having a Laugh” sings the Stadium of Light. Forty-five minutes later, Milner discovers his inner-Maradona after he may or may not have handled the ball into the net, Ashley Young gets sent off, Gabby goes down outside the box but it’s a penalty for some (glorious) reason, three points. *Cough*

Aston Villa 2 West Brom 1: Villa play well for most of this, but Carson is awful, own-goaling the winner. Villa looks to muck everything up at the end, trying their best to award WBA a penalty in the final stages, but Steve Bennett says no.

Hull 0 Aston Villa 1: Grinding deadlock, Villa look a bit all over the shop, Hull plays valiantly until Zayate’s o.g. in the 88th minute.

Aston Villa 2 Arsenal 2: Villa play brilliantly, the best they have all season. Concede two goals. Score two goals, Zat Knight getting the equalizer in extra time. Luck be a lady.

West Ham 0 Aston Villa 1:  Lucas Neill own goal in the 78th minute. Ta da!

So if you’ve been keeping score, three of Villa’s past six games have been won on own-goals. I mean, I know the old cliche about champions winning ugly, but every single game?  If you’re a Villa fan, you have to believe this is one huge hump we’ve gotten over, and the free-wheeling, quick-passing, hit-them-with-speed attacking football is just around the corner. Either that or avoid any and all sidewalk cracks, wear the same smelly Villa shirt everyday and keep praying the rosary on Saturdays. It’s worked so far…

 Sorry Mum.  Uh, I mean, sorry Arsene.

Okay, this is getting ridiculous, and I don’t even support Arsenal.

Sure, publicly we talk about the Gunners’s depressingly sub-par performance this season as a victory for parity in the Premier League.  Privately though, like for instance this morning over a nice warm cup of coffee for what should have been a romp against Cardiff, we all want Arsenal to get back to its vintage 2004 form when the Arse had players who knew how to sidestep, create chances, score thirty-yard screamers, defend properly, and generally win more than two games in a row.  It’s familiar.  It’s homey.  So what’s with the six month hold-up already?

It’s easy to blame the kids–just ask any divorced parent. But screaming at toddlers can only get you so far. I really do believe that in some alternate universe, Samir Nasri has a use of some sort, perhaps even on a football pitch.  Maybe Alexandre Song is there with him, properly heading a ball away before it drops to the feet of an onrushing forward.  But problem children aside, the malaise at Arsenal goes deeper.

This being football, we’ve all got theories, but only mine is correct.  So, breaking free from the whims of ever-shifting daily opinion, I put all blame squarely on Arsene Wenger.  I know what you’re thinking: he can’t go, he’s got ‘Arsen’ in his name for godssake, we’re never going to find a French, hawk-resembling manager named ‘Garsenal.’  But, you know, like Obama said, things change.  Five years ago Arsenal were top of the league going forty-nine games undefeated.  And five years ago, everyone messaged eachother on Friendster about how the Arcade Fire were totally, totally awesome.  Well, Wenger still thinks the Arcade Fire are totally awesome.  The rest of the Premiership, most notably Manchester United, Liverpool, Chelsea, and Aston Villa, do not.

Arsenal can worry about who they get as manager later, I mean who in the Premier League bothers with that anymore?  The main thing is, get your finger out, let Arsene try his hand at coaching Real Madrid’s gaggle of promising youngsters like Royston Drenthe and, oh man–Sergio Ramos?  Good luck with that!–and everything at Arsenal will magically right itself.  I mean, it did wonders for Chelsea, right?

Right?

 Masal!  Willifred the Destroyer is open!

Manchester (AP) Manchester City, after failing to acquire AC Milan and Brazil midfielder Kaka for the proposed sum of a Gajillion pounds [Bajillion American dollars], are considering making a bid for former Arsenal target Masal Bugduv.  Mark Hughes acknowledged the extraordinarily high fee for the non-existent Moldovan forward, but remarked that, “It’s an inflated market.  We’ve already forked out 25 million quid on Tweedle Dum [defender Wayne Bridge] and Tweedle Dee [forward Craig Bellamy].  Once we found out Masal didn’t exist, we knew we’d get maybe 5 million pounds off what Arsenal might have paid for him.  City fans should see this as a great deal for the club.”

While Hughes was reticent about where exactly a non-entity would fit in his starting eleven, he acknowledged that Bugduv might be the tip of the iceberg.  “City have never had a non-existent player, although Steve Daley came close.  We might get more in if it works out.  Perhaps that bloke from Goal!, although I’m not sure Real Madrid are ready to talk transfers at the moment.”

Fans were excited at the news, particularly in the wake of Kaka’s rejection of the Gajillion pound fee.  “This is the future,” said one man outside City of Manchester Stadium, arm dangled in the air around an imaginary friend he identified as ‘Willifred the Destroyer.’  “No actual megastars seem to want to sign here, so made-up players are the next best thing.  Willifred’s agent is actually in talks with the club.  We’re gobsmacked.”

FIFA President Sepp Blatter denounced the move, remarking that immaterial footballers “…should be drawn from the league’s national ranks. What about Roy Race?  He’s off languishing in the lower leagues while Moldova is deprived of their favourite fake son.”  And while there’s been no official word from Bugduv’s agent, several comments resembling AP wire stories popped up on various fansites confirming his interest.  If acquired, Bugduv would almost certainly replace City forward Darius Vassell.

Back When it Was All So Simple

Imagine for a moment you’re walking through the streets of Manhattan on a lovely June day.  You pass by a Nike store and notice a display stand decked out in a familiar claret and blue.  Ashley Young poses next to January-transfer signing David Villa in a larger than life poster hovering over rack upon rack of Villa gear, everything from shorts to shoes to windbreakers.  Your friend asks the store clerk if they have any Arsenal shirts left.

“In the back somewhere I think, on discount.  Next to the Benfica kit.”

You’re still gobsmacked Aston Villa have just picked up their first Champions League title.  The year before that they’d won the league in spectacular fashion, beating Manchester United at Old Trafford 1-0 on the last day of the season.  Arsene Wenger left Arsenal at the end of that year, having barely been able to get the Gunners to qualify for the UEFA Cup.

Meanwhile, Villa shirts sell like crazy in North America. Bars have been jammed for months with twenty year-olds decked in Agbonlahor shirts talking up Peter Withe’s goal in the 1982 European Cup final as if they’d been there.  Aston Villa v. Liverpool is one of the headliners on Grand Slam Sunday, a game spiced up by remarks from Martin O’Neill on Ferguson’s impending retirement.  You go the neighbourhood pub to see the game and notice some old guy ponying up $20 to watch the Arsenal game on a Cantonese satellite feed.  As you sit down, you swear that guy next to you used to be a Chelsea fan.

“Me?” He answers, Martin O’Neill biography in hand, “I’ve been a Villan my whole life.”

You remember how it all began.  January 2009.  Sure, Villa were looking good, winning tough games against better opponents, winning games they shouldn’t have.  But you were convinced it would all end in tears.  Arsenal were struggling but you knew it was only a matter of time before they came roaring back to snatch the last Champions League spot.  The only way we could overtake them was to buy shrewdly in the New Year, and you knew for every Ashley Young at Villa there had been a Djemba-Djemba.  But O’Neill stuck to the plan, we got in Heskey plus a few lesser knowns, nothing earth-shattering.  Yet incredibly we held on for fourth, and that summer picked up some bright stars from the fire sale at relegated Man City. Everything seemed hunky-dory for that next season, but no expected that season would end with a Premier League win.

At first it was great; top of the league, stars from across Europe expressing interest in living in ‘hip and eclectic’ Birmingham.  But then came the day you did some grocery shopping in your Villa shirt when some twenty-something Gunner upped and called you a glory-hunter.  After that came the day in August when you watched AVFC’s home opener and got mobbed by twenty other Villa ‘fans’ when you were trying to enjoy your brunch.  Soon after you found yourself pining for the days of Doug Ellis, crap managers and meagre accomplishments, John Gregory and his Intertoto Cup triumph.  Now as you sit at home and watch Villa pick up their third, fourth and fifth league titles in a row, happy for your club but mothballing your Villa shirt, you have a inkling of how lonely it truly can be at the summit.

Especially when your aunt gets you Martin Laursen’s unauthorized biography for Christmas.

Say what you will about Maradona — he never put on a suit.  Michel Platini on the other hand is on one hell of a roll at the moment.

Earlier this week, he went off Arsene Wenger as if the man had murdered half his family, instead of appointing youngters to play at the highest club level pupportedly ‘before their time.’

Now, he’s introduced us to a league named after the sixth moon of Jupiter, appropriate because both have the same relevance to fans of European football.

Listen to this exciting promotional double-speak: “The new name and logo will help underline the tournament’s special character and unique sporting appeal. The fresh format will encourage teams from emerging countries or lesser-known sides to challenge the old order, and the new identity will seek to reflect that.”

Ah yes, ‘challenge the old order,’ tapping into every football fan’s nascent, Leninist revolutionary leanings.  It’s going to take a lot more to get fans interested in fixtures featuring clubs named after Soviet Rail factories or obscure Bulgarian cable networks than the prospect of hoping they overcome Euro ‘giants’ like Tottenham, or Aston Villa.

The cherry on top of all of this is UEFA’s atrocious decision to expand the Euros to twenty-four teams, as if deliberately undermining the success of Austria-Switzerland which most observers noted was entirely accidental i.e. in spite of UEFA’s constant meddling.  Looks like they won’t make that mistake again.

What is most galling about all of this is UEFA’s refusal to acknowledge that these decisions are based on money rather than some sort of footballing pseduo-egalitarianism.  It’s as if Platini wants to have his socialist cake and eat it too.

And it’s a fairly rich cake; Platini seems to have no problem railing at Wenger for being a ‘business man’ in the same week he pours money into a second-rate competition in the hopes that Europe’s lesser lights will take the bait and pay up.  Having sat through the four and half trillion UEFA Cup fixtures last year, I think it’s safe to say that we’ve had enough of “the thrill of European club football,” as Platini put it.  Many of us have had enough of football adminstrators as well.

A while ago, an SNL skit featured an ad for a book that could get you out of debt and save your life.  It was called “Don’t Buy Stuff You Cannot Afford.”  It’s a book that the CEOs and owners behind Freddie Mac and Lehman Brothers, as well as Mike Ashley, may want to look into purchasing.  If they can afford it.

In the United States, the economy is poised on the brink of a massive downturn.  A country that prided itself on big business and small government has turned to tax-payers to bailout her once-mighty corporate investment firms.  And now both American Presidential candidates are calling for more government regulation, an uppercut to the normally sacrosanct American free-market ethos.  It is a telling indication of the depth of the mortgage crisis.In these troubling economic times, we look to the stern looking talking-head economists for reassurance that ‘business knows best’.  According to our modern day business leaders, and contrary to what our parents told us (the ones that lived through the Great Depression), it’s apparently okay to spend money you don’t have for the sake of quick buck around the corner, because “tomorrow is another day.”  Mike Ashley seemed to reassure everyone when he took on Newcastle without seeming to pay much attention to the cost of running and expanding a football club that was already in massive debt.

Yet the simple fact remains that if you buy stuff that you can’t afford, you will eventually lose it, whether its big screen tvs, sub-prime mortgages, or Newcastle United.  Mike Ashley, like many so-called ‘top-level’ CEOs in the United States, realised this core truth when it was already too late to salvage his stake in the club.  Ashley is now in the position of turning to whomever is willing to takeover a debt-saddled club at a devalued rate.  He fell into the same trap as many of the now-bankrupt firms that handed out bunched-up mortgages like they were candy, only to see the housing bubble burst and the mortgages default.

There is an intriguing connection between the fallout at Newcastle and in the mortgage crisis in the United States.  Failed bank and sub-prime mortgage victim Northern Rock once sponsored Newcastle, and investment groups from the United Arab Emirates had been swarming around the ashes of both NUFC and the now-bankrupt Lehman Brothers firm with a mind to buy; both eventually said no (you know the world is at a crossroads when, at a time when the world is heating irrevocably from carbon dioxide emissions, football clubs and investment firms alike have to turn to Middle East oil producers in order to save themselves from debt).

While economically miles apart, Ashley’s soon-to-be-sold Newcastle and American investment firms reflect a larger pattern in modern commerce — spend what you don’t have today in the hope that tomorrow you will make it back.  Or, in another words, ‘Buy Stuff that You Cannot Afford.’  It’s a philosophy that spurns innovation, effeciency and long-term stability in favour of shareholder satisfaction, and it is wreaking havoc both in football and in the wider economic world.

Perhaps therefore instead of laughing off NUFC fans’ protests, we might take their lead and start paying attention to the owner behind the curtain.  More must be done to prevent reckless, poorly thought-out investment schemes that favour an easy dollar over long-term stability.  Skeptical pundits are often fond of saying that the owners can do what they like, and this is true only insofar as we let them.  Perhaps more needs to be done on a regulatory level so football ‘lovers’ like Mike Ashley can spread their nostalgic cheer in the pub and not in the boardroom.

Richard Whittall also invests in the money-losing venture that is A More Splendid Life.

None too soon perhaps for Man City fans settling down to some Pepto Bismol after that ridiculous and probably unnecessary roller-coaster ride.    While stern looking Premier League officials waxed on about ‘fit and proper persons,’ it was clear that the former Thai Primer Minister with the dubious human rights record would provide the sort of leadership the Premier League could do without.

Things started off well, as they often do in these early ownership periods.  Sven Goran Erikson managed to turn City around after a dismal and almost fatal two-year run under Stuart Pierce.  The club did the double against Manchester United, and City looked to be on the upswing.  Fans were happy.  Players were happy.  But as so often happens with massively-wealthy persons with a track-record of abusing human rights, Shinawatra wanted more, more, more.

Seemingly off in his own world, which is apparently like Football Manager with unlimited funds and the difficulty setting on ‘Easy,’ Shinawatra got incensed at City’s respectable ninth place finish and Fair Play UEFA Cup spot.  Like a petulant forum poster, he demanded Erikson get the sack, all to the delight of Man City fans who lashed out at their owner at the end of the season to, surprise surprise, no avail.

So on to Mark Hughes, and then, mercifully, Shinawatra’s tax evasion stuff back home, and today the selling of the club to an Abu Dhabi consortium.

So it’s a clean slate for City, right?  Brand new owner Abu Dhabi United Group representative Dr Sulaiman Al-Fahim reported today that, “Our goal is very simple: to make Manchester City the biggest club in the Premier League, and to begin with to finish in the top four this season.”  So, back to realistic expectations then.  And all that for the glory of the club, right?

Al-Fahim again: “We in Abu Dhabi United Company for Development and Investment are keen to develop ways to provide support and care for various sports activities to help build and develop a new generation of young State, which represents the real wealth and the future of this nation and the cornerstone for building the future of our civilisation.”  Well, the glory of the UAE, Manchester City, you know, either/or.

So not only are Premier League football clubs the playthings of the super-rich iron fists of the world, they are also propaganda arms for super-rich oil nations with their own stake in the human rights game.  Arab consortiums, American Football team owners, Thai Prime Ministers on the lam; it’s all starting to resemble a Tintin comic.  While City fared pretty well in comparison with other clubs destroyed by hubristic ownership (Leeds Leeds Leeds!), this in-one-day, out-the-next ownership system does not suit the slow-progressing and unpredicabtle world of club football outside the Top Four, as the number of administrations and point-deductions in the lower tiers reveals.

Early signs are for City are not good.  Perhaps at thrity-two million pounds, Berbatov will come in and somehow do for City what he could not do for Spurs, i.e. lead them to a consistent top four finish…yet the star-striker as club-saviour tactic only works normally when the player is Pele or Maradona. It may be that the Abu Dhabi United Group are beneficent owners with all the best intentions for one the most storied clubs in England, but a few hundred million pounds, a hope, and a prayer does not a sustainable business model make.

Richard Whittall is author of the curmudgeonly footbaholic web log, A More Splendid Life.

Lovely Craven Cottage. The name conjures images of a county hamlet where you might retire after an afternoon of fox hunting and lawn bowling. Hardly the Gates of Hell for a club like Arsenal who have only conceded defeat to Fulham twice since 1966, a factoid repeated ad nauseam by commentators and pundits as Fulham-newcomer Hangeland’s goal in the eighteenth minute aged and aged and aged.

Until down Arsenal went, one-nil. And that’s not all. Last weekend, Middlesborough embarrassed perpetually ‘new-look’ Tottenham at the Riverside 2-1. Today, Gareth Southgate’s side ran riot over a poorly-organized Liverpool at Anfield until they were saved again at the last by the hilarious topsy-turvy antics of Steven Gerrard. Obafemi Martins blew past Manchester United last week to earn a respectable draw for Newcastle at Old Trafford– and some pundits are predicting Carlos Quiroz’s exit will provide many more surprises over the course of the season. Indeed, of the Hallowed Top Four only Chelsea look the real deal for Premier League champion. As for the newly-promoted sides, Hull and Stoke have claimed early victories over highly-touted clubs (inlcuding, lamentably for me anyway, Aston Villa), and last year’s mid-tablers look to be this year’s UEFA Cup candidates. This all bears a vague resemblance to that elusive beast, ‘competitive parity.’

One could of course throw cold water on the idea by pointing out that it’s early days yet. Last year, Manchester United flopped in August only to come roaring back in April, and Arsenal, who looked the team to beat early on before Eduardo’s injury and Adebayor’s haircut, succumbed in January to the ravages of ‘depth.’ It’s all down to depth of course — the more benched superstars you have mumbling to News of the World about ‘first-team status’ and ‘a possible move in January,’ the better your chances of sustaining a title challenge, or at least nicking a Champions League spot. Depth comes courtesy of money, which is reinforced by winning (TV rights for Champions League, more popularity, more merch etc. etc.), a cycle that has kept the same four massively wealthy clubs top of the league every year.

However, like the FA Cup last year, statistical likelihood demands a little aberration now and then. Liverpool’s lack of organization could be exposed, even with Mascherano’s return from Beijing; Arsenal could continue to struggle in early days as Nasri finds his legs and Walcott transitions to the first team; Manchester United could suffer without their Portuguese Brains and Brawn, Quiroz and Ronaldo, the latter at least in the opening stages; and against all evidence, Scolari may not adjust well to the Premier League. Big ifs, but not entirely out the realm of the possible, or, based on early results, the probable.

Furthering this ludicrous scenario, one bad year for the reigning order could crack the door open for challengers via Champions League money and television rights. And who knows? I could replace Shinawatra Thaksin as owner of Manchester City and be crowned King of Siam. But outrageous improbabilities are the spice of life, and even if normal service resumes by December you can still enjoy for now the early stutters and the delicious possibilities they herald.

With the 1.24 billion league matches on offer at Sky, Setanta, and the Other Ones, you can’t really blame professional football announcers for over-relying on their trusty grab bag of football clichés.  But now that John ‘Motty’ Motson has left for good, I think it’s time to wipe the slate clean in English football.  Here is a list of stock footie commentator observations I would like to personally shank to Row Z.

1.    It’s a dream start for [insert team name here] – Said if there is a goal in the first ten minutes. A dream start?  Does nicking a goal before the other team within ten minutes of kick-off really constitute some sort of Dionysian reverie?  Do the scoring players run into their managers’ arms crying, “I must be dreaming!”?

2.    He really should have scored there – Normally heard when an opposing forward manages to make a foot or two of free space on a corner or free-kick and makes contact with the ball only to see if go wide or over. He should have should he?  Have you ever played football?  Do you live on a planet where scoring on every single free-header is considered some sort of categorical imperative?  I’d even prefer, ‘That were close, innit?’

3.    The crowd is sensing something here – Used when the home side manages to string four or more passes in the opposing half, causing supporters to murmer in unison. Unless those twenty thousand large men singing “No One Likes Us” are Spidermen or Deanna Troy clones in disguise, I don’t think they’re sensing anything.  I think they’d like to see a goal.

4.    That should provide some talking points after the match – Uttered after a red card, two-footed tackle, missed penalty call, etc. This is one of the worst.  Dumb people who work in politics use talking points.  Football journalists cover stories.  Know the difference and you’ve won half the battle (another one!)

5.    This top-of-the-table-clash promises to be a thriller – Is it Grand Slam Sunday already? Come on…most of us have been watching the Premier League for years now.  Even if you’ve only been following the league since last season, you’d have a pretty good hunch that Liverpool v. Chelsea should not be watched while working with heavy machinery.   Let the game do the talking.

6.    Time for one more goal maybe?  Winning side gets possession in the last minute of injury time. Who knows?  Maybe there’s still time for one more throw-in perhaps?  Or another goal kick?  Or another sideline foul?  I was going to flip to the weather channel now that we’re four-up on Bolton, but since you’ve reminded me the possibilities are endless, I think I’ll stay.

7.    Could they score here?  What a story that would be! – Side one-goal-down gets possession in the last minute of injury time. My club is losing and they haven’t created a decent chance in the last half hour. Please please please please leave me alone.

8.    A goal at this point would only be consolation – Side two-or-more-down gets possession in the last minute of injury time. I feel consoled we’ve lost five-one instead of five-nil.  Yowza.  Off to the pub now, right as rain.  Anyway, the joke’s on the announcer – I switched to the weather station three goals ago.

9.  [Insert team name here] have been ripped apart — An absolute shower gets hammered.  Think Liverpool 8 Besiktas 0. You know, they’re not actually killing each other out there.  I’d love to see some poor defender’s intestines hanging off Steven Gerrard’s fists on a quiet Saturday morning, but then football would be pay-per-view and I wouldn’t be able to afford it.  Perhaps I’ve given Scudamore an idea though…

Richard Whittall runs A More Splendid Life, a blog that chronicles one fan’s escape to the beautiful game.